On Friends and Depression

A very unsettling couple of days. One of my friends, who is also my mentor, is in the final stages of pancreatic cancer. It seemed that her kidneys were failing last night and that she might pass away, but she has rallied. Tomorrow, if all goes well, she will be moved from the hospital to hospice care.

It's so hard to see that as "if all goes well." How can end of life care be considered "well"? Yet, I understand that the doctor feels there is little more that can be done for her.

It seems that she is suffering more from the effects of her treatments than she is from the cancer. Her tumor, which is unresectable, appears to have stabilized and does not seem to be metasizing. All good as far as it goes. Her body has been having an incredibly hard time dealing with both the cancer and the effects of chemotherapy. She has had an embolism in her lungs, very low white blood cell counts, and now electrolyte imbalances.

Today was a chance to see her. I haven't seen her for close to 2 months. And how she has changed!. Much thinner, of course, and phasing in and out on morphine. But how very grateful I was to see her dear face again!

Today I also learned that another dear friend has Multiple Sclerosis. Several of us have suspected something was wrong for more than a year, but attributed it to the stress of caring for her mother, who had Alzheimer's.

She described a visual problem she was having, optic neuritis, and I looked it up. God bless the internet, by the way! There is was, listed as an early symptom of MS, along

with the cognitive difficulties she has been showing - depression, anxiety, and short term memory loss. As far as any of her friends can tell, she has not had any physical signs other than her vision. So, I suspected MS - and it turns out she was being tested for it.

Newly diagnosed, she still cannot bring herself to say the words...and so she is locking herself away from all of us.